Design the Life You Want and Live It on Your Terms

Rev. Dr. Kitty Boitnott, NBCT, RScP

Heart-Centered Career Transition and Job Search Coach | Stress Management Coaching

What gives your life meaning? 

Have you ever thought about what it is that gives your life true meaning? If you were to ask each person in your life, you might be surprised by some of their answers about what gives their lives meaning. Each person would likely give you a different answer.

The thing is, you can't live your truth until you can identify what gives your life meaning.

Right now, are you living the life you would like to be living? Do you make choices based on your deeply held values, beliefs, needs, and desires?

Or do you make decisions and live your life based on what other people expect of you? Have you ever given it serious thought?

Most people haven't. They live their lives on auto-pilot, doing what is expected of them instead of what they want to be doing.

Think about whose life you're living right now. 

If you want to live the life you want, then you may have to go through a period of trial and error. You will need to think deeply about it. You will need to plan. And you will need to design it as you want to live it.

Before you can make radical changes to your life, you need to know yourself on a deep level. So let's look at the five steps you need to take to get the ball rolling. 

1.  What do you really want?

Can you define what you want? Can you articulate what it is that you want out of your life?

In my coaching business, I find that most people can't.

Only about 2% know what they want. The others struggle to say what it is they want. This is because they have been doing what other people want them to do for so long they have lost touch with what they want.

If you want to live life on your terms, you will need to define those terms. That means you need to get in touch with your wants and learn how to prioritize them. Once you have a good sense of your want, you can set goals to help you get where you want to go.

What truly matters to you? What sets your heart on fire? What do you get lost in doing? Answer those questions, and you can go from there. 

It isn't selfish to think about what you want. It's only selfish if you run roughshod over everyone else's wants to get to yours. There's a balance to strike, and by considering your wants, that isn't what you're doing. 

2.  Be Willing to Stand Apart

Our early environment primarily shapes our identities. As a result, we tend to take on the characteristics of our caretakers. We might even mimic their personalities rather than forming our own. 

This can lead to reliving someone else's life rather than forging one of your own.

We adapt to have our needs met, but the only way to be happy is to stand apart and develop your own identity. You can forge your own beliefs and value systems; you don't have to fall in line with your familial ties or cultural influences. 

3.  Set Goals and Stick to Them

When you have a firm handle on who you are, what you want, and what you value, then you can set meaningful goals. Write them down and only start with two or three.

After that, it's all about taking specific action.

Think of your goals as milestones or benchmarks. They are there to keep you accountable and to help you keep track of your progress. 

4.  Muffle The Critics, Including Yourself

You might have to deal with external criticism, but those are often easier to shut out than your inner critic. You have to overcome your negative attitudes, beliefs, and thoughts if you want to be true to yourself. You will be your own worst enemy until you get a handle on your inner critic.

Disrupt those thoughts and correct them. 

5.  Harness Your Power Once and for All

The better you become at silencing your inner critic, the more personal power you will have. Your personal power will be vital to living your life as you want. Think of it as a combination of confidence, competence, and courage. It is the healthiest sort of self-assertion.

It might be one of the most challenging undertakings you face, but there is no greater reward than designing the life you want to live. 

You only get one shot at life, so don't you want to make the best of it?

If you feel stuck in a bad relationship or a crappy job, maybe it's time to make a change. Don't delay. You don't know how much time you have left. Live the life you were meant to live.

Until next time.

P. S.

If you are ready to embrace living your truth fully and part of that means making a career change, I would like to invite you to my next live, online Masterclass. The link to register is here:   https://event.webinarjam.com/register/40/xo9xnhmr.

In this Masterclass, I will offer my best tips and strategies for changing your career, whether you have been teaching for five years or 25 years.

I know that many teachers are struggling with the question of "Do I want to go back this fall?" and why wouldn't they? But, unfortunately, there is no reason to believe that this year will be less stressful than last year. And honestly, it might even get worse.

If you are toying with the idea of making a career change, you can do something about it right now. Sign up for this Masterclass at https://event.webinarjam.com/register/40/xo9xnhmr

It is August 19, 2021, at 7:00 PM EST (4:00 PM PST).