Stop Bad Mouthing Yourself with These Six Positive Actions

Rev. Dr. Kitty Boitnott, NBCT, RScP 

Heart-Centered Career Transition and Job Search Coach | Life Strategies and Stress Management Coaching


Negative self-talk or inner voice 


Negative self-talk refers to how you tell yourself about all your faults and flaws all the time. It's a constant stream of defeatist chatter in your head that never lets up. 


We all do it. We all engage in that pessimistic inner dialogue that tells us we aren't good enough. We aren't smart enough. We aren't talented enough.


Everyone has a "Negative Nelly" voice in the back of our heads. EVERYONE.


The trick is to be aware of it and then overcome it. You can choose to consciously overrule it, so it doesn't hold you back in your life.


But, unfortunately, too many people don't question that negative dialogue that constantly reminds them of their faults and flaws. And as a result, too many people play small in their lives and don't go all out to get what they truly want. Instead, they allow their negative self-talk to hold them back.


The sad truth is that this negative self-talk infiltrates every part of your life.


Negative self-talk impacts your thoughts, feelings, and actions in every area of your life. As a result, it can ruin your health, your relationships, and your career.

 High and dLow Self-Esteem Cycles


Learning to combat negative self-talk can help you thrive and go for big things in your life. Look at the most successful people you know and consider that if they could overcome the negative voices in their heads--and you can bet they have them--you can, too.


This post points to six specific actions you can take to help you overcome your own "Negative Nelly."


Find one or more of them that you can start using today to help you break through your own negative self-talk and start living the life you want and deserve.


1.  Positive Thinking as a Constant Practice 


Positive thinking is about consciously identifying your negative thoughts and perspectives. You will have to become intentional about replacing those negative thoughts. And at the beginning of your practice, you will have to be constantly vigilant.


Positive thinking as a practice requires self-reflection and awareness. You must be able to identify your negative thoughts and views at the moment when they start to take over your mind. Then you must combat those ideas and perspectives head-on by intentionally shifting them to a more positive perspective. This brings us to the next action.


2.  Practicing Positive Affirmations


Affirmative thoughts need to replace negative ones. Affirmations involve the repetition of and focus on a specific sentence, phrase, word, or even sound that influences the subconscious to impact our conscious thoughts and actions.


When you use positive affirmations continually, you can gradually change the way you think and then feel on a regular basis. That practice ultimately leads to a more positive and uplifting outlook on life. I


t also allows you to see new possibilities for yourself. You become more willing to try new things because you have faith in yourself and your ability to succeed.


3.  Practicing Meditation and Visualization


Meditation and visualization can be used to stop negative self-talk. Meditation is a technique that involves some training the attention. It requires awareness to achieve mental clarity and emotional calmness.


And it is worth it.


Visualization is a technique that consists of the use of visual imagery to train the mind. Using one or both of these techniques together can reshape your thoughts. They can get your mind to focus on the positive rather than the negative.


With enough practice, you can rid yourself of negativity as a way of thinking altogether.


Yoga Woman Meditation 


4.  Surrounding Yourself with Supportive People


Surrounding yourself with supportive people is another way to get rid of negative self-talk. Sometimes it can be very challenging to take your mind off of the never-ending reel of negative thoughts in your head. However, the people you surround yourself with can help to challenge your thoughts.


Their encouragement and positivity can rub off on you. They can help you to see yourself and your circumstances through a more uplifting light. That change in perspective enables you to eliminate--or at least diminish--your negative thoughts.


5.  Practicing Limiting Negative Outside Influences


Often, the negative thoughts you hold, particularly the ones you have about yourself, are influenced by things outside of yourself over which you may have no control. Taking time to assess what you are thinking and saying about yourself and tracing that back to its origins can help determine what sources might contribute to your negative self-talk.


Then you can take steps to limit or altogether remove those sources. They may be things such as social media or news. By controlling for negative outside influences, you control the source of your negative self-talk.


6.  Practicing Highlighting Your Successes


Generally, negative self-talk involves being hyper-focused on your faults, mistakes, and flaws. This is what feeds the negative thoughts and feelings that develop about yourself.


So, highlighting the good about yourself can combat this tendency. When you can look at a record of your successes and identify your strengths, it helps you see the good within yourself. And it challenges those negative thoughts and perceptions head-on. 


In time, you can shift from negative self-talk to positive self-talk. 


This process requires intentionality and consistency, but it can be done. Consider implementing the steps, whether individually or as a whole, and see how you're thinking and self-talk. Once you have identified you patterns, you can choose to take steps to become more positive and pay less attention to the negative thoughts in your head.


Until next time.


P. S. 


Did you realize that negative self-talk is what often keeps people stuck in jobs they no longer love? They have convinced themselves that there is nothing else they could do. They don't even know what they would do if they had a chance to change.


I can actually help with that. I know what it's like to want to make a change in my career and not know whether it was even possible.


Just in case you are interested, I will be starting a new coaching cohort in a few weeks. The group will be exploring their career options as they undertake the work in the "Jumpstart Your Job Search 2.0 Program."


The group coaching calls will start on Monday, September 20th, but it isn't too early to enroll in the program now and start the reading and doing the assessments.


Do you want to know more about what the program entails? Then make an appointment for a complimentary Discovery Session at to discuss if this program is right for you.


Or register for the free workshop I am offering Thursday night, September 16th at 7:00 PM EST. To register, click here:



Vanessa Jackson
Phoenix Rising Coaching
1541 Flaming Oak
New Braunfels Texas 78132
United States of America